Deehan's Pensieve

 "Here’s the truth: Happiness doesn’t depend on your external situation, but on your internal disposition. 

Your happiness doesn’t depend on whether you get a pay increase or not. It doesn’t depend on whether you’ll be able to lose 10 pounds or not.  It doesn’t depend on whether you have an iPhone or not.  It doesn’t depend on whether the stock market is up or not. It doesn’t depend on whether you have a boyfriend or not.

As shocking as this may sound, your happiness doesn’t depend on any external thing. Your happiness depends on only one thing: Do you have a happy attitude? Do you have happitude? " 

-Bo Sanchez

And so, here is my simple happy story for today.

I've been so busy lately that I wasn't able to have a good rest for so long. I could not remember the last time I was this satisfied with my sleep. 

I never went anywhere today other than attending a church choir practice earlier this morning.I woke up 4 am and rushed to our church to attend to my church duties. My day was then spent just alone here inside my small yet comfortable room. I believe in the idea that you don't need to go far to have inner peace . I decided that I must stay here inside my rented room and rest. Yeah, for the love  of God, let me have a good rest.

I wanted to jog tomorrow ... but I don't want to jog alone.  Yes, I enjoy doing things alone at times ..and yes.. jogging alone here in the city sounds thrilling but it will be more thrilling if I will have someone to talk to. I spent the day today alone and it's enough. I am not a loner. There are times (like today) that I wish to just be confined somewhere not hot and don't exhaust myself but certainly,  I don't intend to perpetually do this . I will go bananas if that will be the case !

I watched Kung Fu Panda II earlier today and I so love him! The flabby and eccentric character made me giggle ( and take note, I was alone).Indeed, even if you are alone and chooses to be amused and happy inside ..yes YOU CAN .Hey,  even if you are a billionaire and is the cover of Forbes magazine smiling next to Oprah and the Queen and yet chooses to be unhappy inside , what life is that?  

I was also able talk to Mama,Papa and Jaynan over skype. Wow.. I never thought I will miss them (hahaha,kidding). I watched videos of Vice Ganda too and I wish I could bring home  his sense of humor. How can you hate someone who made you laugh most of the time? And for that reason , I wish to become a stand up comedian for life! I worry about the clothes they wear though.. I always enjoy my sneakers and I will never trade them for some grotesque shoes... yes, more so if those shoes are signed by Lady Gaga !

To document another showcase of my "happitude day" I took some pictures too. Here are some photographs that I wish could launch a thousand ships (oh,yeah,gimme a break historians! ).

I walk alone, go to school alone, shop alone,eat alone and go to church alone.

I am missing her terribly.

I will always be glad of knowing her. I feel so blessed knowing that somewhere ...someone is thinking about me and is worrying about how my hair will look like today.

I don't know how God is doing that but His plots are always prefect. I would forever wonder how my soul-sister and I met.

When I was a University student, I endured the pain of not seeing my family thanks to my God who gave me friends who loved me so much.Sometimes, I am thinking why God is letting some friendships grow and some friendships into disaster. My soul-sister is a blessing I could never imagine why I am worthy of having.

My graduate school tasks, work and other duties moved me too far from her..physically but not in her heart (certainly). I am thinking how will I best cheer for her when I am this far and right now..I wonder if she is really fine. She is really like a big sister to me.Biologically, I don't have any sister and I am glad having her around.

I wonder when we will see each other again, I wonder who will she be married with, I wonder how will I feel if she will have a boyfriend and  I wonder how will I feel if I will see her right now.

Yes, like many others. I am guilty of over using my body.

I sleep too late and I am usually up at around 5 am. I am still awake when my friends are in deep slumber and I am then awake even before they finish their wonderful trip to dreamland.

I have this crazy notion that if I will ever remain stagnant for a day. I will be a day far from my dreams.

Obviously, when my students are absent, I take time to write my wrangling thoughts (just like now)..I know I will not live forever and I know how I can make my thoughts eternal beyond my vulnerable frame.

Today, I was able to talk to a trainee in our company. I was deeply impressed.

I love the fact that she found time to give special children free lessons . I admire people doing this not   because they are just after of the certificates that could be of great help if they will soon seek employment but because they are genuinely thinking that these kids are "special". I love the way her eyes sparkled when she talked about how pretty her student is.

The conversation made me think about my own life.

Who am I now? Is my onward march plan still up? am I able to show much love to the people around me?

Today, I decided to have a leap forward.

I know that my sole reason of existence is to praise and glorify God.  I should not fall prey to those evil beasts. I decided to show more love.I sent messages to my college buddies who do remember to send me text messages almost everyday. I am guilty of not responding to their previous messages. I called home and bought Mom a gift for her birthday.I must show my love to my family, friends and church mates even more.

I should be more active in the church.I must love God above everything.

I am working hard to balance my schedule for my family, work, education, friends and social life.

I think the real leap forward is to realize that church things must be at top of all my 'things to do'.

Today, I am not stunned to hear that my best friend is heart broken ..again. 

I broke my heart years ago, and another one took months ago, just to live with my principle that I should not hurry love. I decided not to have a relationship with him because I know I was not having the right reasons to be in such tangle.

In my age, I am usually confronted with these issues -love issues. 

Most of my friends got numerous girlfriends/boyfriends while I never really had one, a fact which I am honest about.

I think (and please don't always assume I am right) , young people like me are hurt because they hurry love.

I think being single is one of the best time to grow spiritually with God.

While we are preparing to be financially stable. Equally, we must strive to be spiritually matured.

How many are thinking that a good spouse will only come from God? That a good spouse is a blessing we must work out to be truly a worthy recipient. Will God reward you the man or woman of your dreams if God thinks that you are not spiritually, emotionally and financially worthy to have one? 

If you are having a girlfriend/boyfriend now but could not imagine a family with him, why are you still with him? Isn't it a sheer waste of time?

They say I must have a boyfriend for “experience". I am sorry but I respect mankind and I won’t just play with their emotions. I sincerely think it's gruesome to ever have a relationship with that sole reason in mind.

Why are people so worried with relationships with "other" people and not minding their relationship with God?

You will never be satisfied without God.

A good pair comes from God.

Do what He wants and these things will just be added to us.

I am no prefect, I am writing now to help my self refresh my ideologies. Just like others, I do fail more than what you can imagine.