Patience, Obedience and Optimism

Posted Sunday, December 18, 2011 by deehan1914



Sometimes I wonder where I pulled this patience in me. Why am I this patient? Thinking real hard, I realized that maybe because I never intended to settle to anything less than what I was waiting for. Waiting was a good option maybe because I never planned wasting time in trying other things which I knew won’t make me any happier than what I was waiting for. Maybe because I perfectly knew that waiting is the best evidence of my being worthy to have that thing that I prepared for ...that thing that I have been waiting for.
I have always believed that timing is everything and I tried to follow the calendar set by my parents which was certainly based on the Bible. I have been carefully following rules just to get what I want without really receiving the assurance that I will have it 100%. I understood the risks. I understood that things might turn out more beautiful if I will change my mind and discontinue waiting. I acknowledge that when God twists something, it turns out more beautiful than what we imagined it to be. However, this time, I wish to beg God and let me have that one that I have been waiting for. I want it so bad that I kept my distance to it because I waited for it to be “ripe". Keeping the distance to something I knew would make me happy was never that easy. But still, I refrained from taking it on the wrong time. I have been praying to have that thing I've been waiting to have. I hope I deserve it now. I tried to do the things I realized I must in order to hopefully be worthy to have it. I never rushed having it because I knew I didn't want it to be temporary. I learned that if you wanted something to be close to perfect (since nothing is perfect) you must wait for the right time- and so I waited... and so I prepared.

Right now, someone is about to steal that thing that I have been waiting for. I also wonder if I can call it stealing because I never had that thing anyway. I was just looking at it, from a good distance hoping not to disturb its growth. 

If that thing will be taken from me, I will still congratulate myself for showing much patience, understanding and wisdom. Even if it will surely break my heart and I can imagine that it might be beyond repair , I will remain happy that I have proven to my God how loyal I could be and I have proven to myself how strong is my self-control . I know I must tap my shoulder for the disciplines that I was able to develop while patiently waiting.

Anyway, I won't force myself to stop waiting and change course because nothing is final unless I am dead. What I am seeing now is something I can change, with God's permission of course. I have a good feeling that if I won't force myself I can expect this strong desire to die naturally...fade naturally and vanish, perhaps, perpetually. If this feeling will die naturally...it shouldn't be that painful than forcing it to fade. God is surely making me learn something now.

If one wishes and if only one could clearly see through me, one can see a patient, obedient and optimistic soul growing because of deep trust to the Almighty Creator.


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December 18 , 2008 : One Sweet Day

Posted by deehan1914








To write this or not, I hesitated a lot. Not because I grew tired of writing but because I hesitated about my real intentions in writing this one.  I will talk about something which happened exactly three years ago.


I intended to share something which will always be one of the highlights of my youth. I always feel young whenever I think of December 18, 2008.



It was already almost Christmas break when I was asked by someone to have a morning walk with him on the next day. Right now, I can't believe how sleepless I was that night because I was thinking of what I just agreed on. Adding more worry was how I could ever ask permission to my big sister because I really wanted to go with him.


My big sister was really furious when it comes to guys going around me. I was too terrified about how will I ever tell her the truth that I wanted to jog and walk but not with her. I actually tried to pull all my powers just to tell her on 17th of December 2008 about my morning walk with someone on the next day. I tried and tried to interrupt her while she was actually doing something I asked her to do for me. We were doing some key chains out of pine tree twigs (the thing you can see in Baguio ,  the one which looked like a pencil key holder).She was crafty while I appeared to be too lousy at doing things which require a knife ( just like cooking, hahaha!) . Oh! Blame it to my Belonephobia (wink! ). We shared one room and I couldn't imagine how hard it was to ask her that time while it has been always easy asking her to rescue me whenever I act clumsy and appear helpless. At the back of my mind, I could already imagine her reaction. Surely, it will always sound like this. “Jogging? Walking? Oh, I'll come with you. It must be scary to jog and walk this early by yourself “or “You want to jog? What on earth struck you and you finally decided to do something healthy? Okay, I'll go with you ". I certainly knew that no matter how I will web my story, she will still end up going with me. I decided to try to get some sleep with a plan in my mind. I crossed my fingers hoping things will work just what I prayed and planned. 

On the next day, I was already mesmerized by the idea that someone was actually waiting for me downstairs. I couldn't believe that it was actually happening. I saw a man patiently waiting for me outside our cottage's gate. I was watching him from the second floor and the birds started to sing in my ears. He did not notice me watching him because I tried to peek there just to watch him for few seconds and savor the idea that someone whom I really liked for years was waiting for me. My journals witnessed it all. It was not "Love at first sight" but rather it was " Admiration at first sight ".The first time I met him,  I admired how silent he was and I could really feel his presence since that day forward. He was really an eye-catcher for me because he was wearing a white shirt ( I always have bias to men wearing white shirts ). Thinking of how long I've been keeping that feeling and thinking what I was about to do that fateful morning gave me vehement feeling of excitement inside . So, I was just looking at him and wondered what he was thinking while waiting for me. I heard some noise from the door of my room and I suddenly rushed downstairs thinking that my big sister might have changed her mind and insist on going on with me. I was like flying from the second floor down to the first floor. Years prior to that, I could not remember if I ever did it that fast (Excitement really gives powers huh?). And as I was trying to look calm and be as natural as I could be, I finally saw him and the birds resumed singing again. As we started an awkward talk because we were both shy, I could remember how I managed to "escape" from my sister.

Then, I was so sure I just met my time catalyst. Time flew faster than ever. I could remember we did several rounds at the oval and went to a golf course. There was a moment when we needed to run while in the middle of the those tall trees at King Faisal because it was starting to rain. Thinking about it this time convinces me that it was actually like just what I saw on movies- Korean movies. He was such a gentleman and I admired him more for that. He walked with me on my way home and we both knew it was such a “good morning “.

Bidding him goodbye and looking at our cottage’s gate made me realize what just happened earlier. I could imagine my sister’s face while I uttered the craziest thing she heard that day.

I was really nervous to be questioned about what happened during the morning walk. I knew she would be suspicious about it. I promised her that I will tell her if something "lovely" would be going between me and him.I worried about how she will look at me.There was really nothing to say yet. Oh, good heavens thanks for sending this adorable sister.

Alas, I took all the courage left and started to finally enter our cottage. I opened our room and she was waiting there for me. I knew she was uncertain of what to say because she was still shocked about my newest style of making her say “yes”. I looked at her like a very shy sheep and sat at my bed. She then asked me how it was and I told her I could hear birds singing. She laughed and did not mention about how I made her say “yes” earlier. She asked me if I wanted to eat and I agreed. While eating, she mentioned how clever I was earlier and how hesitant she was. She agreed to me because I was honest and gave her very little time to think and almost no option at all but to say “yes”. I actually woke up early, took a bath and fixed myself all while she was snoring. Then when he was already outside our gate, I tried to awaken my big sister and told her I was about to go jogging and that someone was already waiting outside. I told her who was waiting and she was speechless. While she was speechless, I took it as a yes and I politely said I can go alone this time because I perfectly knew she was still sleepy. I know she could have done something to stop me but she never did.

On that day, I finally heard her love story. She shared her own story of regrets, happiness and hope. I was impressed of how vulnerable and then how strong she became. I appreciated the trust and sincerity in her message. She was actually not my biological sister yet she was more than a real sister to me.

Right now, I missed them both. I miss that man waiting for me outside and the sister patiently waiting for me inside our cottage. Time runs so fast, it has been three years now and I could still imagine the thrill, worries, doubts, shyness and love I was feeling that day. That was my “One Sweet Day”. 




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These Thoughts Makes Me "Me"

Posted Wednesday, December 7, 2011 by deehan1914


Being not able to say what you wanted to say does not necessarily means one is a coward.It could be that she is just so aware that her words could not make the situation any better.

Keeping the distance never means one is cold.It could be that she is matured enough to realize that there is no point in becoming close anyway.

Saying goodbye never means forever because there will always be moments when you will be so engrossed of the thoughts about the person you bid goodbye. Hence, I wish sometimes bidding goodbye will also assure future absence of such hurtful memories in my mind.

Photographs were created to capture not only views but also emotions. Right now, I wonder how I will see years from now a photo that will be taken right at this very moment . What emotions could I remember that time?

What are promises for if I prefer surprises?Don't promise me, surprise me!

I never intend to study reading my palms, cards and constellations just to predict my future.  What beauty is there in a very predictable life?

What  sense is there in wearing revealing clothes if you want to attract a god-fearing man? In wearing such, you are attracting the wrong target market.


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The Things That I Will Do Before I Will Die

Posted Thursday, December 1, 2011 by deehan1914

1. Visit Iglesia Ni Cristo Temple at Quezon City, Philippines
2. Help Mom build a rental house
3. Have my own farm
4. Earn a PhD and become a University Professor
5.A trip abroad with my family and Ate Ahwel
6. Send my unsent letters to the supposed receivers
7.Visit Japan with my bff Honey and try Bullet train, experience winter, spring and autumn .I want to taste snow! Melt it in my tongue!
8.Have a good reunion with my MSU-CBI family
9.Organize a project with MSU-CBI family
10.Learn Adobe Photoshop
11. Buy a DSLR camera and photograph for National geographic
12. Send Angelo to a good school
13.Plant more flowers and trees
14. Paint using a pro's materials
15. Sing loud in public
16. Shout at the top of Eiffel Tower with Michelle Cojo
17. Talk to him again and clear things (whoa,sweating now .. c:  )
18. Talk to ^,.,^ and clear things
19. Try bungee jumping, air gliding, jumping on a cliff with a parachute on, more scary zip lines
20. Donate blood
21. Sign an agreement that if I will die, I will donate my organs
22.  Donate to or build a home for the Aged
23. Donate to Orphanages
24.Try having a long hair and be girly ( just for a month)
25. Watch  pop and rock concert live with the man of my dreams
26. Walk and jog with my dog often
27. Buy my dream bed sheet ( winnie the pooh , it looked to comfy and yes, it was expensive.. I will buy it!)
28.Have a son and pray that he will be a church minister
29.Eat more Biko , try Natto and other Japanese foods.
30. Hear more British accent in Britain, visit the places shown in Harry Potter
31. Study abroad ( Asian culture )
32. Touch the pyramids at Giza and hug all of them!
33. take good pictures of my loved ones and my dog
34. Hug and kiss the Libera kids! This choir group is always giving me goosebumps!

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When My Wanderlust Brought Me to Lake Sebu

Posted Saturday, November 19, 2011 by deehan1914


It was my first trip with my co-teachers and I was excited beyond words! This wanderlust is too pushy at times!



                                                                  (a googled photo)





Lake Sebu is certainly not a man made lake located in the municipality of :Lake Sebu, South Cotabato. It is located in  Mindanao Island here in my country. It can be reached through this route:

                                                                           (a googled photo)



We started the 4 hours journey from Davao City to the lake at around 3 am on November 7. Some of us worked for a night shift and yes, we started traveling without a good sleep. Nevertheless, our excited souls energized our mortal frames.











We actually took these pictures after the most exciting part of the part.The zip line!






I think the place was safe and I was not able to hear any gun shots. I was furious when I saw the name of the towns we passed through. We managed to pass through the Mangundadatu town and Ampatuan realms. It was actually a gloomy day when we traveled and I was able to see houses soaked with a knee-deep flood. Government officials in those areas were said to be abusive tyrants. I don't know the whole story though. This is what I like about taking trips- I can see first hand the places rumored to be like this and that. I can submerge into deep thoughts and wonder all the wonders I can see ( thank God it's not my PC this time!).

  


I have always wanted to have wings and fly. Now, I want to have wings and be a Victoria Secret Angel- I don't mind flying. I wondered though if the zip lining could offer me the  happiness of flying without those lovely wings.






This was how we looked when we arrived . I could not wear shorts because it was cold inside the van. It was a wonder how my comrades survived though . The facilities near the zip lining area isn't that developed,  some walls were not painted and you can't find a high end restaurant there . I thanked God I used to be a member of the Girl's Scout of the Philippines- I don't need any high end facilities ( except of course  for a VERY safe zip lining ropes and equipments ). 


One could see areas like these. I think the government is still making the roads bigger and planning to make concrete ones.



That was really for the ones who would love to feel nervous and happy-count me one!That's brave Janie you got there!




Wooohoooaaa! That was S.U.P.E.R.B! I think flying early in the morning allowed me to feel the popular saying " Early bird catches worms" deeply. In this case, "worms" were the sights I saw and the joy vehement inside my heart. I could feel the beauty of my youth! Look! Here are some pictures I took while flying without wings!






The verdant scenery reminds me to feel young and continue to learn more. Yes!I will finish my MBA , be a blessing and grow even more! Woohoooooo!




We survived! Ahooo Ahho! They said one should not bring a camera while taking that awesome ride. As usual, I could not stand listening to them. I know exactly what will make me happy- documenting what I could see while tangled in those ropes. I listened to my heart and I swear I love the video!







A 300 Php package allowed us to zip line twice. The 740 meter high and then the 420 meters high.Get ready to look good because there's a standby photographer ready to make the flying even more benign! I love the pictures they took! Nothing comes for free so you must pay 100 Php for the soft copy or you can opt for 150 Php and receive 2 printed copies plus 6 shots soft copy ( ow, they will give you all the shots they took .In average, it is usually 6.)



Here are some scenes you can see there .





This one was taken after the second zip line. Yeah, you can disregard me here and focus on my backdrop.I can understand. Hahahah!



I saw this on top!  I saw this on top! 




Find me! 






Are you okay Sir Ivan ( the one wearin' blue jacket )? Sporting a frog-like pose huh? hahaha peace!



Oh! That was another reason why I  want to have a good memory. I want to savor again and again the happiness I was feeling. I wanted to remember again and again the joy I was feeling when I can't help but shout to release the wanting and the fear. I want to remember the beauty of this place and I will always glorify God for this another masterpiece He allowed me to experience. Hey! I spent 1,500 only for this trip!



Have a happy trip everyone!Enjoy your youth without losing sight of God's rules. Enjoy His Love - It is the sweetest!



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Ohh Thank You Too!

Posted Tuesday, November 15, 2011 by deehan1914
[12:45:24 PM] yamane: OK. You should take a rest because you have many lessons today.But thank you.I'm  glad and appreciate your effort. You're a good teacher (inlove)

[11:17:20 AM] Makiko Clara: Dear teacher Janie (inlove),
Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it.


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That Camera!

Posted Monday, November 14, 2011 by deehan1914


Here is one of my student posting my picture to his FB account. I enjoy lessons with this flabby businessman!
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A Sincere Thank You Makes Me Gay!

Posted by deehan1914

[2:13:59 PM] yamane: Thank you you always trying to teach me something best for me.I really appreciate that.see you soon.thank you (sun)
[2:14:18 PM] gna_Janie: (inlove)
[2:14:21 PM] gna_Janie: Oh, Thank you.
[2:14:29 PM] gna_Janie: I can already imagine your voice .
[2:14:36 PM] gna_Janie: ;)
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The 7 Rules to be Happy

Posted Saturday, November 12, 2011 by deehan1914



 "Worry is like a rocking chair. You’re moving but you're not going anywhere."

In as much as I wish  to say who uttered that line, my poor memory won't permit me this time ( oh not surprising ) . Nevertheless, those lines were engraved deep down me. Thanks Mom!

This blog is a response to my favorite professor's question of how I deal with the 7 Rules to be Happy. 
The Rules are the ff:

1. Never Hate
2. Don’t Worry
3. Live Simply
4. Expect Little
5. Give a Lot
6. Always Smile
7. Best of All Stay in Love
So, here is my attempt to discuss these great rules.
1. Never Hate.

 Hate is a normal feeling. We’re born with default set of feelings. Hating something worthy to be hated is godly but hating everything is surely the other way around. I am no perfect- I hate and the story doesn't end here. I’ve been trying to constantly add value to myself and I just found out that my default setting was on “happy mode” and “all the time”. I just figured out that why change the configuration of my supposed happy life if it was already designed that way by my God? Then, I stopped hating the things that will never deserve my energy. I learned that to forgive someone is like setting a dove free and then you will realize that the imprisoned dove was you.
2. Don’t Worry
I worry because I am normal. I don’t worry too much because I am not abnormal. I believe that feelings were created for us to take advantage of those feelings. I worry and so I pray then I feel immensely better. I worry about my future and so I plan things coherently. I worry about my English and that is why I practice more. I use it to my advantage and I won’t allow it to destroy me. I am born victorious.
3. Live Simply
This will surely make you happy. A complex life will offer you money and stress. Living above what you can afford will offer you insurmountable debts and yes, ugly wrinkles too. Living simply for me means spending wisely without losing the dream of earning more. You are not earning for yourself-you are God’s channel of blessings to bless the needy.
4. Expect Little
Nothing is perfect until you fall in love. He was the most perfect guy in the entire Milky Way and then I got so disappointed when I realized I can’t have him now. I was expecting too much and I was hurting too much. I was expecting almost paranormal things and I failed to recognize that my life is not a fairy tale. I should do more and expect less. I should give a room for surprises and growth. Things will not always fall according to planned, in some occasions things even turn up more astounding.
 5. Give a Lot
I give more and more love because it makes the world go round. It’s a cliché because it’s true. Its old school but it won’t grow old. I once offered free tutorial to a blind friend who amazingly managed to study in a College in Davao City. To say that I was feeling so happy while teaching her will always be an understatement. In giving you are bound to receive. Believe me, it’s a cycle.
 6. Always Smile
I always do. When I’m nervous I smile (not because I was losing sanity, swear!) because I enjoy the feeling. When I can’t solve my Accounting requirement, I will just smile to my friend and she will automatically help me. See? Aside from the fact that men love it when a girl smiles, your body would want you to strike that genuine smile too! Think about being healthy, think about smiling!
7. Best of All Stay in Love
Staying in love with my God and my church duties will make me triumphant. I will stay in love with positive thoughts and I will stay in love with life. I carefully choose the things I will stay in love with. I will stay in love with adventures and not with fancy cars. I will stay in love with hymns and not with Lady Gaga. I will stay in love with ideas and not with rumors. Again, I will stay in love with positive thinking and not with pessimism.

I am no perfect and I won’t abuse that reason. Should I fail, I know I will fail forward. Should I cry, I know I will then soon have happy tears. We will only have one life and if we will live it right, once is enough. Have happy thoughts, happy actions and happy results!
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When Chopsticks Aren't Only for Food

Posted Thursday, November 3, 2011 by deehan1914


 Yeah, I am not really good with Chopsticks. Growing up, I thought my spoon and fork are universal. 


Certainly, with my little knowledge about chopsticks ( I'm loyal to my spoon and fork plus bare hands) I never imagined it could be used other than when you eat at Chowking.

My last student for today told me something strange . Chopsticks aren't only used for eating ( and this time I swear I wont volunteer my spoon or fork and for the love of God ,I won't ever use my bare hands this way ).Mr.  Hiro , my Japanese student  told me that Chopsticks are used to place their dead loved one's bones , after cremation, inside the urn and that is part of the ceremony they offer to the dead. Plus, members of the family MUST do their share . Goose bumps! 


Here's more, he did that more than ten times...oh I wanted to faint inside GNA office!


In the upper left photo, some bones were too strong ( I guess after gulping Bona , Nido and Anlene for decades ) and relatives must take part in the ceremonial transfer of bones to its perpetual bedroom called urn. I don't criticize them, it was just that my jaw dropped by mere thoughts of it and did I mention the goose bumps?  I thought nothing could survive the optimum temperature range of 1600 degrees to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit!


Cremation takes 2 and a half hours and I think I wont ever let any of my loved ones cremated (Please, don't cremate me too , I will make a good fertilizer so just please allow nature to decompose me okay? swear! )


I thank my student for sending these pictures. These pictures were not too scary though but still my wild imagination is giving me ugly vivid visions ( I hate my rich imagination at times, seriously ).


While our lesson was drawing to its near end, he told me that if I will ever marry a Buddhist ,especially Japanese, I will look like the other lady in the second picture... I was speechless! 
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A day with "ME" and the Happitudes

Posted Tuesday, November 1, 2011 by deehan1914





 "Here’s the truth: Happiness doesn’t depend on your external situation, but on your internal disposition. 
Your happiness doesn’t depend on whether you get a pay increase or not. It doesn’t depend on whether you’ll be able to lose 10 pounds or not.  It doesn’t depend on whether you have an iPhone or not.  It doesn’t depend on whether the stock market is up or not. It doesn’t depend on whether you have a boyfriend or not.
As shocking as this may sound, your happiness doesn’t depend on any external thing. Your happiness depends on only one thing: Do you have a happy attitude? Do you have happitude? " 

-Bo Sanchez







Yes, I vow to have happitudes for life!   Thank you Bo for inspiring me , how could I ever thank you !


And so, here is my simple happy story for today.

I've been so busy lately that I wasn't able to have a good rest for so long. I could not remember the last time I was this satisfied with my sleep. 

I never went anywhere today other than attending a church choir practice earlier this morning.I woke up 4 am and rushed to our church to attend to my church duties. My day was then spent just alone here inside my small yet comfortable room. I believe in the idea that you don't need to go far to have inner peace . I decided that I must stay here inside my rented room and rest. Yeah, for the love  of God, let me have a good rest.

I wanted to jog tomorrow ... but I don't want to jog alone.  Yes, I enjoy doing things alone at times ..and yes.. jogging alone here in the city sounds thrilling but it will be more thrilling if I will have someone to talk to. I spent the day today alone and it's enough. I am not a loner. There are times (like today) that I wish to just be confined somewhere not hot and don't exhaust myself but certainly,  I don't intend to perpetually do this . I will go bananas if that will be the case !

I watched Kung Fu Panda II earlier today and I so love him! The flabby and eccentric character made me giggle ( and take note, I was alone).Indeed, even if you are alone and chooses to be amused and happy inside ..yes YOU CAN .Hey,  even if you are a billionaire and is the cover of Forbes magazine smiling next to Oprah and the Queen and yet chooses to be unhappy inside , what life is that?  

I was also able talk to Mama,Papa and Jaynan over skype. Wow.. I never thought I will miss them (hahaha,kidding). I watched videos of Vice Ganda too and I wish I could bring home  his sense of humor. How can you hate someone who made you laugh most of the time? And for that reason , I wish to become a stand up comedian for life! I worry about the clothes they wear though.. I always enjoy my sneakers and I will never trade them for some grotesque shoes... yes, more so if those shoes are signed by Lady Gaga !

To document another showcase of my "happitude day" I took some pictures too. Here are some photographs that I wish could launch a thousand ships (oh,yeah,gimme a break historians! ).





After sleeping for 5 hours I realized that a good sleep is too precious that it could never be replaced with a good date with someone..hahahha ! Well, exemptions included (wink) ! 







Yes, this picture will be soon posted near the Bankerohan! Caption? " Feel the glow of healthy... nose" hahahha..ambot!





I looked like a harassed woman here. I thank God I don't need to be really harassed just to get this look. It's all natural ( hahaha, tabang! )






This is when you are confused with ugliness ,playfulness and  cuteness. I need a good helping hand,seriously ( wink! hhahaha).





I just copied this look. I just wonder if it will work for my blog. It's my blog anyway, so shut up! hahaha.


I wonder when will have a rest like this.Whatever will happen.. I will make sure to have a happy mindset. I need to be happy to be sane.  I will watch another Disney movie before another good slumber. A happy day everyday everyone ! 











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Cloudnine

Posted Friday, October 28, 2011 by deehan1914


[20:56:43] gna_Janie: (bow)
[20:58:24] Satomi Ueno: Thank you, Janie (bow) (F)
[20:59:09] gna_Janie: Yes, Thank you too. Don't torture her.
[20:59:14] gna_Janie: :D
[20:59:51] Satomi Ueno: I promise (chuckle) I enjoied and learned a lot today :D
[21:00:02] gna_Janie: (clap) (inlove) (F)


Cloudnine is when I give good lessons to my Japanese students.
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How I Started To Have Happy Thoughts

Posted by deehan1914







Nothing is more comforting than trying to steer clear in the idea that I can change someone's attitude overnight. And yes, I am that someone!

I could still remember how I tried to be a happy person ( yeah , you heard it right, my optimism now wasn't donned to me since birth ) . The encounter happened when I was a University student and that was when my father changed job, my Mom's business not going well, our dues were seemingly endless, when my Grandfather was so sick and when the man I loved (oh, really?) was rumored to have been dating someone. Honestly, I realized that the only option left was to have positive thoughts and yes, I found happiness in the simple things I had.

It all started when I challenged myself to embrace positive thoughts. I consciously rejected negative thoughts and started scouting positive ones. Example number one, instead of feeling so down because of the meager financial support I was receiving I challenged myself to still wear that stunning smile. That was actually good for me, I learned how to save, how to wash my clothes by my bare hands, how to save on school projects, how to think differently from acquaintances who had bad spending habits, and hey, I realized that it would never be the end of my world should someone I love date someone ( ehem, it was just a nasty temblor topped with a cruel tsunami, not really the end of my world but that was close! wink! ) .


Today, I am no longer "forcing” myself to shift to positive thoughts. Everything seemed automatic now. I programmed my brain to think that way (my hypothalamus is now cooperating superbly; it was somehow challenging to tame the beast inside, cheers!). Once again I am reminded that to manipulate results one must manipulate his thoughts.

I love the saying “You will only live once and if you lived it right once is enough ".
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Going Home

Posted Monday, October 10, 2011 by deehan1914









I am thrilled about going home.

I miss the laid-back life.

I seriously want to gain weight that is why a move back to my province is a splendid idea for my long-time desire.

I wonder how our garden looks like. I wonder if birds are still there. I miss hearing the birds and seeing verdant sceneries each time I peek outside my window every after my GNA lessons.

I miss my thoughtful family. They always worry about my diet. They always wonder if I am eating on time. So sweet.

I am trying to set a six-month long plan. Plans should be in parallel with my long-term goals. I am carefully studying my spending, working hours and sleeping time.

I want to savor every moment of my youth. I want to draw again, jump in the pool, dance in the rain, sing when there's thunder, taste the cotton candies and be with my dog.

I am thinking of saving to buy a good camera. Before I will kick the bucket, I want to photograph for National Geographic.

I am now seated here feeling calm, joyful and warm. I will be home soon. Yes, I will be!

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I Miss My Soul-Sister

Posted Wednesday, September 14, 2011 by deehan1914


I walk alone, go to school alone, shop alone,eat alone and go to church alone.

I am missing her terribly.

I will always be glad of knowing her. I feel so blessed knowing that somewhere ...someone is thinking about me and is worrying about how my hair will look like today.

I don't know how God is doing that but His plots are always prefect. I would forever wonder how my soul-sister and I met.

When I was a University student, I endured the pain of not seeing my family thanks to my God who gave me friends who loved me so much.Sometimes, I am thinking why God is letting some friendships grow and some friendships into disaster. My soul-sister is a blessing I could never imagine why I am worthy of having.

My graduate school tasks, work and other duties moved me too far from her..physically but not in her heart (certainly). I am thinking how will I best cheer for her when I am this far and right now..I wonder if she is really fine. She is really like a big sister to me.Biologically, I don't have any sister and I am glad having her around.

I wonder when we will see each other again, I wonder who will she be married with, I wonder how will I feel if she will have a boyfriend and  I wonder how will I feel if I will see her right now.
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A Leap Forward

Posted Tuesday, September 6, 2011 by deehan1914






Yes, like many others. I am guilty of over using my body.

I sleep too late and I am usually up at around 5 am. I am still awake when my friends are in deep slumber and I am then awake even before they finish their wonderful trip to dreamland.

I have this crazy notion that if I will ever remain stagnant for a day. I will be a day far from my dreams.

Obviously, when my students are absent, I take time to write my wrangling thoughts (just like now)..I know I will not live forever and I know how I can make my thoughts eternal beyond my vulnerable frame.

Today, I was able to talk to a trainee in our company. I was deeply impressed.

I love the fact that she found time to give special children free lessons . I admire people doing this not   because they are just after of the certificates that could be of great help if they will soon seek employment but because they are genuinely thinking that these kids are "special". I love the way her eyes sparkled when she talked about how pretty her student is.

The conversation made me think about my own life.

Who am I now? Is my onward march plan still up? am I able to show much love to the people around me?

Today, I decided to have a leap forward.

I know that my sole reason of existence is to praise and glorify God.  I should not fall prey to those evil beasts. I decided to show more love.I sent messages to my college buddies who do remember to send me text messages almost everyday. I am guilty of not responding to their previous messages. I called home and bought Mom a gift for her birthday.I must show my love to my family, friends and church mates even more.

I should be more active in the church.I must love God above everything.

I am working hard to balance my schedule for my family, work, education, friends and social life.
I think the real leap forward is to realize that church things must be at top of all my 'things to do'.


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Cheap Attraction Hurts -financially,emotionally and spiritually

Posted Sunday, September 4, 2011 by deehan1914

Today, I am not stunned to hear that my best friend is heart broken ..again. 


I broke my heart years ago, and another one took months ago, just to live with my principle that I should not hurry love. I decided not to have a relationship with him because I know I was not having the right reasons to be in such tangle.



In my age, I am usually confronted with these issues -love issues. 



Most of my friends got numerous girlfriends/boyfriends while I never really had one, a fact which I am honest about.



I think (and please don't always assume I am right) , young people like me are hurt because they hurry love.



I think being single is one of the best time to grow spiritually with God.



While we are preparing to be financially stable. Equally, we must strive to be spiritually matured.



How many are thinking that a good spouse will only come from God? That a good spouse is a blessing we must work out to be truly a worthy recipient. Will God reward you the man or woman of your dreams if God thinks that you are not spiritually, emotionally and financially worthy to have one? 



If you are having a girlfriend/boyfriend now but could not imagine a family with him, why are you still with him? Isn't it a sheer waste of time?



They say I must have a boyfriend for “experience". I am sorry but I respect mankind and I won’t just play with their emotions. I sincerely think it's gruesome to ever have a relationship with that sole reason in mind.



Why are people so worried with relationships with "other" people and not minding their relationship with God?



You will never be satisfied without God.



A good pair comes from God.



Do what He wants and these things will just be added to us.



I am no prefect, I am writing now to help my self refresh my ideologies. Just like others, I do fail more than what you can imagine.
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Maybe Next Time

Posted Monday, August 22, 2011 by deehan1914


Maybe Next Time




''Two old friends meet again
Wearin’ older faces
And talk about the places they’ve been

Two old sweethearts who fell apart
Somewhere long ago
How are they to know
Someday they’d meet again
And have a need for more than reminiscin’'

-Maybe This Time, Michael Murphy







I never thought I would remain this loyal.

Sometimes I doubt if in my past life I was Hachiko.

You are still the only one that I am dreaming about each night.

You are still the one I remember each time I listen to music. This is too whimsical.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever meet you again. How will it feel?

I wish to get over from you because I can feel you no longer care for me.

It is really sad to love the one who used to love you so much too.

I am focusing with careers. Hoping that somewhere down the road, our circumstances would amazingly

allow us to be together ..ostensibly just like in my dreams.

Yeah, I know I am still so crazy about you. Is it too bad to feel this way?

If it is not you, even if I deeply wish it would be you, I would hereby conclude that indeed..not everything

I want is given to me.

Perhaps , you are too good to be mine. Perhaps, someone who can cook better is good for you.

I would forever be jealous of her.

Owh.. How old am I? hahaha I wish to get over of these stuffs.Oh Good God..help! :)


Have a Happy Day Everyday Everyone!
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